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But I have a 22 year old baby sister, who I just found out is dating a 35 year old man. Right now I do not approve of this. Because she is my little sister and I don't want her to get hurt. I love her very much and want her to be happy. I have not met this guy yet who is older than me I am 27. Another problem is she is about to start her last year of college and I do not want this guy to distract her from accomplishing her goals. She is a good girl who is headed in the right direction, she is a good aunt to my two boys. I am very protective of her and want only the best for her, she has told me that I will meet this dude soon. I don't know I guess im being an over protective brother, but I just don't like the age gap. Some say age is just a number which maybe true, but I have to look out for my baby sister.
Sorry for wasting anybodies time with this thread, just need some advice.
This post was edited by KPR 23 months ago
Meet the guy before jumping to conclusions. For all you know, he actually is a nice guy. Age difference can be pretty off-putting, but it doesn't automatically mean it's a bad thing.
I don't get the whole your just being over protective angle. Exactly how much is too much when it comes to your sister? I have both an older sister and a younger sister. I have made it so that certain people having chosen the path of least resistance and exited the picture for each. I don't give two shits who likes it, I'm protective of them. I view it as one of my obligations in life. I gladly accept any flack I may get for being that way. I also have two daughters and fully expect that people will be upset with how I handle certain things with them too. No one ever promised me that people would like my stance, so I have never been disappointed when they haven't.
I'm with you KPR. I never understood women's appeal for older dudes, but I would think this guys has some issues of his own to date someone 13 years younger. Probably some self esteem issues and wants a faithful chick (your sis sounds like she meets those requirements). All I can say is meet the guy, try to keep an open mind when meeting him, then decide if this is as big an issue as you think. You get a bad feeling you got to tell her and voice your opinions. If you can get her reasoning for being in the relationship that might help you as well.
Sounds like you have your own issues to come to such a harsh conclusion despite knowing next to nothing about the situation. Did you lose a girlfriend to an older guy at some point?
Not sure how old you are, but I remember being 35. There is absolutely no reason a guy that age, if he has his shit together, should be dating a coed. I take it back. There is one reason.
“We need to keep this (expletive) together,” Mauti and Zordich to Hill
Nah, had some girlfriends (girls that are friends) date dudes 10 years older than them and get burned. One of them used to be real hot, but then she put on like 40 pounds after the breakup (she has some issues of her own though) and I blame those lbs on that dude haha. But I shouldn't have put it in such black and white, obviously not all those dudes have issues.
Ha! I swear I read through that post 2 times and was trying to figure out why you were referring to your sister as a Baby "Sitter." Mind was playing tricks on me.
I'm the same age as the OP, and I do think that it's one of many possibilities that the guy in question is an old creep, but at the same time, sometimes that cliche "age is just a number" is true. Sometimes things just click and there's nothing sleazy or underhanded about it.
I don't understand why people are so quick to slap labels on things based purely on their own biased preconceptions.
Thank god I'm not the only one. I had to read his post three or four times before it made sense.
First off a 22 year old is not a baby sister. Secondly if he is 35 he has his own career to worry about, so derailing her final year of college is the least of her concerns, and she is probably more of a distraction in his life than he is in hers. Maybe she wants a family and not a job when she graduates and this fellow gives her a great opportunity at the life she really wants. Maybe 35 isn't too old to be dating 22 year old women (so says this 36 year-old-single-homeowning-careerfirst-individual). You're right, it's probably just you.
I did the same thing too... weird
Wellllll... I met my girlfriend when I was 33, and she was 20 and in school. I was just getting out of my first marriage, no kids and it was relatively amicable. I'll admit that of course the first thing that attracted me to her were looks, but we had the opportunity to spend a lot of time together socially, and pretty soon I realized that she just wasn't your typical 20 year old. She was going to get through college in 3 years with a great GPA, worked 40 hours a week, was very mature - came from a family of eight kids, many adopted, and they had fostered children as well for years, so her perspective was very different from most girls her age. There's no way I could have had a real relationship with the typical 20-year old, but she really was different. And we had a great, great time together and really enjoyed each other's company.
We spent time together for a year or so - hooked up, went out, etc - but also dated some other people. When she graduated the next year, she decided to stay in town and we started dating - so at that point she was 21 and I was 34. Of course you can imagine what everyone said - I was going through a mid-life crisis, it wouldn't last, she just wanted a sugar daddy, it was "just a phase", blah blah blah blah blah. It's been 5 years, she moved with me to DC, went to Georgetown to get her Masters, and now has a great job with a pro team. It hasn't always been easy - the age difference has been most difficult as it relates to her insecurities, my being a relatively successful person who travels a lot and has lots of female friends, and some lingering family relationships with my ex-wife. We're not in a place where I'm comfortable proposing, and we're rapidly reaching the point where that needs to happen or it's time to move on.
Having said all that, I wouldn't change anything, and I don't believe she would either. We have had some amazing times - I've been able to help her navigate some things with experience, introduced her to experiences and activities she never would have seen otherwise, and together we have a very nice lifestyle. She has given me a ton of great experiences, and most of all she's helped me enjoy the things I always wanted to do and couldn't with my ex. We go to concerts, go the the beach, take trips, and when we do I am able to take full advantage and really enjoy those things in a way I never did before, and enjoy them with someone I truly want to be with. She's beautiful inside and out, and no matter what happens with us, I've been blessed to have her in my life, and I think she feels the same way.
Long story, but hopefully it helps give you some perspective. Anyone who says that age doesn't matter is foolish, but the truth is that it's not the only thing that matters, and it's often not the most important thing. There's no doubt that dating someone with that much age gap can be more challenging, but it can also be very rewarding. Really just depends on the people involved - maturity levels, what they're looking for in life, expectations, etc. Most of us grow quite a bit in our 20's and muxh of what we think we want can change. That's what happened to me in my first marriage. They have to be aware of that and prepared to deal with what it might mean for their future.
End of the day, my advice is give the guy a chance and see what you think. My gf was 3 years younger than my brother, who is 10 years younger than me - was very weird for him, and for her parents, both of who are 10-11 years older than me. Over time though that has gone away, and I get along great with her whole family, and my family loves her to death. Hope this helps...
You could be right to a point. Maybe he does turn out to be a great guy and treats her right, if she is happy then I am happy for her. We had a very tough upbringing our parents would go out a night looking for drugs to get high every night. While my sister and I stayed home at night and it was me as a 7 year old taking care of a 2 year old. Until we were both taking away from our parents and put into foster homes. Luckily we were able to go to the same family. Who raised us both right and got us into to college. Which is another reason why we are so close, and I want the very best for her. If this guy is her prince charming then I will support whole heartily. But if he is using her for something else well then I have no choice to step in and do something about it.
I see nothing wrong with being protective of a younger or even older sibling, but age difference is not a good reason to be against someone who is in a relationship with that person.
Meet the guy and try to get to know him... that's the best way to determine if someone's intentions are on the up and up.
The biggest concern to have is whether the guy makes your sister happy. If he actually wants her to succeed and reach her goals. If he treats her as an equal and builds her up. Worrying about an age difference is extremely limiting... esspecially since there are a lot of other reasons to be against someone or a relationship.
Boy, you and I just can't seem to stay on the same page, can we? ;-) Suffice it to say, while your assumption is probably true for a great deal of people, there are exceptions.
LOL same here man... couldn't figure out why this guy was so worried about the baby sitter
A 13 year age difference is not a big deal the older your sister gets. When she's 30 and dating a 43 year old... not a big deal, but a 20 yr old with a 33 yr old, that's another story. It really depends on what stages of life both people are in. If they are in the same stage, then great, but I highly doubt that a 22 yr old and 35 yr old are looking for the same thing right now. Given that, I'd recommend meeting the guy before you completely judge him and rule him out.
This post was edited by chuck415 23 months ago
I don't blame you for being overprotective regardless of family history, but I especially don't blame you when adding in the rough upbringing.
The way I view things though, and maybe this comes from being born and raised just outside of liberal SF in a good yet divorce riddled family, but I like to think the best of people until given a reason to think otherwise.
Now if it does turn out that the guy is a dirtbag, I'd be the first one to throw a right hook at his jaw, but until then I think he deserves the benefit of the doubt.
I know two girls who are also seniors at Penn State who dated men in their thirties. Both of those men were married with kids, and it doesn't end well.
I don't think that's called dating. Pretty sure the terms are extramarital affair and home-wrecker.
Not that its a big deal but I always have called her that and always will. Regardless on how old she is.
I get that, but you have to know the boundaries when it comes to getting involved in family members relationships.
My father was a 27 year old single father when he met a 19 year old recent high school graduate whom he would marry 6 months later against the wishes of her mother. I didn't come along for another year and a half. In my 36 years of life I have not witnessed a single fight between the two of them and rarely if ever a raised voice. The two people in the relationship are typically the best judges of the relationship.
My great grandfather was 25 when he went to a neighboring town to buy a bull. He didn't end up buying the bull but instead took a liking to and married the farmer's 15 year old daughter 2 days later. 60+ years of marriage, 3 kids, around a dozen grand kids and a dozen more great grand kids say age was just a number.
To be fair, it doesn't appear that he's doing that.
It looks more like he's got a lot on his mind, and he came here for some feedback and opinions. It doesn't sound like he's meddling or stomping on boundaries (at the moment).
There are always exceptions and hopefully you and your girlfriend can make your relationship work (if that's what you want). But as far as the OP, I still think it's best to be skeptical and, depending on his relationship with his sister, let her know that. But he should also let her know that he will let the old guy prove himself.
In other words, you're saying the guy is guilty until proven innocent.
I thought Penn Staters would be the last people to view things that way after these past few months.
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